I hesitantly signed up to attend a 12 Step Recovery Study with a group of women I had never met. Unfortunately, I had pre-judged Celebrate Recovery and the type of people who attended it. I assumed(never a good thing to do) that I was above the issues that required “recovery”. God used the first night with my step-sisters as the first chain in the link of breaking down my pride. I sat in a room of women who were able to verbalize all of things that I was feeling but didn’t know how to express. The Lord had lead me to a group of amazing, strong women who knew exactly where I was at, and loved me just the same.
I wept in my car as I drove away from our first meeting because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had FINALLY found the place that would strip me of my character defects and draw me closer to the Lord. Until this point, I had lived my life in a cycle of insanity. Insanity has been defined as “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.” Sanity has been defined as “wholeness of mind; making decisions based on the truth.” Colossians 1:27says, “And this is the secret: that Christ in your hearts is your only hope of glory.” That is where the road of insanity stopped. I realized that I was completely powerless to overcome my hurts, habits and hang-ups on my own. I had to turn to my Higher Power, Jesus Christ in order to be rid of the chains that held me in bondage for years.
Week 2 in my 12 Step group brought the first of many powerful breakthroughs in my recovery. Principle 1 of the program is: “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong this and that my life in unmanageable.” As a raging codependent, I lived in a constant state of worry and anxiety. I lived life in every moment but the present. Anxiety ruled my thought life because I would play out every scenario that could affect myself, my family, or my friends. I worried about what people thought of my appearance or behavior. I worried about possible harm that could befall my children. I worried about Blake leaving me. You name it, I worried about it. All of that worry boiled down to one common denominator: FEAR of losing control. Lesson 2 taught me that there are VERY few things in this life that I actually have control over. I realized that I was trying to play God in my life. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters; he will hate one and love the other.” I was serving myself by trying to control every part of my life which left God no room to work.
Lesson 2 also offered an incredible acrostic that presented all of the “serenity robbers” that I was allowing to control me.
“Pride- Ignorance+power+pride=a deadly mixture
“Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor.” Proverbs 29:23
Only ifs- our “only ifs” in life keep us trapped in the fantasyland of rationalization!
“Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight.” Luke 12:2-3
Worry- Worrying is a form of not trusting God enough!
“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34
Escape- By living in denial we may have escaped into a world of fantasy and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.
“For light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is even possible for light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also.” Ephesians 5:13-14
Resentments- Resentments act like an emotional cancer if they are allowed to fester and grow.
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27
Loneliness- Loneliness is a choice. In recovery and in Christ, you never have to walk alone.
“Continue to love each other with true brotherly love.” Hebrews 13:1
Emptiness- You know that empty feeling deep inside. The cold wind of hopelessness blows right through it.
Jesus said, “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” John 10:10
Selfishness- We often pray: “Our Father which art in Heaven; give me, give me, give me.”
“Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it.” Luke 17:33
Separation- Some people talk about finding God-as if He could ever get lost!
“For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God.” Romans 8:38”
I left small group after Lesson 2 with tears streaming down my face. The realization of how powerless I was to control my life was utterly devastating. As I sobbed, I could hear the Lord pleading with me to surrender control to Him. It was His all along, I just needed to submit myself to His authority and power. On the way home, I admitted my powerlessness to the Lord and agreed with Him about the sin in my life. I handed Him the keys to my life and made the decision to daily release the worry that had consumed me. In the weeks that followed, my anxiety faded away because I was able to trust that God could do for me what I could not do for myself. Wow, I began to feel like I had it all together. This recovery deal won’t be so tough after all. WRONG! The dreaded Step 4 was just around the corner and I was about to face demons that had been buried in the depths of my soul.
I wept in my car as I drove away from our first meeting because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I had FINALLY found the place that would strip me of my character defects and draw me closer to the Lord. Until this point, I had lived my life in a cycle of insanity. Insanity has been defined as “doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result each time.” Sanity has been defined as “wholeness of mind; making decisions based on the truth.” Colossians 1:27says, “And this is the secret: that Christ in your hearts is your only hope of glory.” That is where the road of insanity stopped. I realized that I was completely powerless to overcome my hurts, habits and hang-ups on my own. I had to turn to my Higher Power, Jesus Christ in order to be rid of the chains that held me in bondage for years.
Week 2 in my 12 Step group brought the first of many powerful breakthroughs in my recovery. Principle 1 of the program is: “Realize I’m not God. I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong this and that my life in unmanageable.” As a raging codependent, I lived in a constant state of worry and anxiety. I lived life in every moment but the present. Anxiety ruled my thought life because I would play out every scenario that could affect myself, my family, or my friends. I worried about what people thought of my appearance or behavior. I worried about possible harm that could befall my children. I worried about Blake leaving me. You name it, I worried about it. All of that worry boiled down to one common denominator: FEAR of losing control. Lesson 2 taught me that there are VERY few things in this life that I actually have control over. I realized that I was trying to play God in my life. Matthew 6:24 says, “No one can serve two masters; he will hate one and love the other.” I was serving myself by trying to control every part of my life which left God no room to work.
Lesson 2 also offered an incredible acrostic that presented all of the “serenity robbers” that I was allowing to control me.
“Pride- Ignorance+power+pride=a deadly mixture
“Pride ends in a fall, while humility brings honor.” Proverbs 29:23
Only ifs- our “only ifs” in life keep us trapped in the fantasyland of rationalization!
“Whatever is covered up will be uncovered, and every secret will be made known. So then, whatever you have said in the dark will be heard in broad daylight.” Luke 12:2-3
Worry- Worrying is a form of not trusting God enough!
“So don’t be anxious about tomorrow. God will take care of your tomorrow too. Live one day at a time.” Matthew 6:34
Escape- By living in denial we may have escaped into a world of fantasy and unrealistic expectations of ourselves and others.
“For light is capable of showing up everything for what it really is. It is even possible for light to turn the thing it shines upon into light also.” Ephesians 5:13-14
Resentments- Resentments act like an emotional cancer if they are allowed to fester and grow.
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:26-27
Loneliness- Loneliness is a choice. In recovery and in Christ, you never have to walk alone.
“Continue to love each other with true brotherly love.” Hebrews 13:1
Emptiness- You know that empty feeling deep inside. The cold wind of hopelessness blows right through it.
Jesus said, “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness.” John 10:10
Selfishness- We often pray: “Our Father which art in Heaven; give me, give me, give me.”
“Whoever clings to his life shall lose it, and whoever loses his life shall save it.” Luke 17:33
Separation- Some people talk about finding God-as if He could ever get lost!
“For I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God.” Romans 8:38”
I left small group after Lesson 2 with tears streaming down my face. The realization of how powerless I was to control my life was utterly devastating. As I sobbed, I could hear the Lord pleading with me to surrender control to Him. It was His all along, I just needed to submit myself to His authority and power. On the way home, I admitted my powerlessness to the Lord and agreed with Him about the sin in my life. I handed Him the keys to my life and made the decision to daily release the worry that had consumed me. In the weeks that followed, my anxiety faded away because I was able to trust that God could do for me what I could not do for myself. Wow, I began to feel like I had it all together. This recovery deal won’t be so tough after all. WRONG! The dreaded Step 4 was just around the corner and I was about to face demons that had been buried in the depths of my soul.
Comments
Thanks for the comment...SO great to hear from you...I look forward to keeping up on the blogosphere! Ang, more to come soon...thanks for the encouragement!
Its my biggest struggle. It is so hard for me to trust. I am closer than I have been in a long time. Thanks for this, and everything else sweet friend of my heart.